God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
