I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
