I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
