Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
