Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
