So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize