She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
