Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
