Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
