and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize