I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
