Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
