I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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