I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
