I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
