i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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