i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
