I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
