wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize