so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
