a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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