yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
