It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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