We tried having a conversation with our noses.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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