Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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