I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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