Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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