so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
