I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize