apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
