She's JV to your varsity
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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