ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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