i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
