Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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