I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
