No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
