oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
