So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
