I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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