bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
and she was petting her beer can
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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