What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
