Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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