On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize