I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
