What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
porn star boner night. come get it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
