Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
