I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
