I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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