I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
