If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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