That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
