so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
