dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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