I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
