i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And then my night got REAL pukey
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
