i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
