I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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