Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
