I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want to make out with him forever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
