I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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