Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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