yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
