Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
is it fun? or sober?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
