just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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