He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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