I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
