I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
