You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
