I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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