okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So vagazzling was a success
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
