Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
