on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
