why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
