yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
