Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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