I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
