wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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