I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
