"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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