my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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