you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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