great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
