awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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