So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
