Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
