genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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