It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
