Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
