Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
