I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
