It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
