One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
