So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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