So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
