I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
