Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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