my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
