I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
