That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
