Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
