Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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