SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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